Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Cheney's Heart

Cheney's Doctors Detect Signs of Heart

By Andy Borowitz

In a stunning development that has confounded medical experts around the world, doctors examining Vice President Dick Cheney said today that they have detected signs of a heart.

The vice president was rushed to the hospital over the weekend after complaining of chest pains, but no one in Mr. Cheney's inner circle suspected that a human heart was the cause.

"We had been operating under the assumption that he didn't have one," said chief of staff David Addington, who said that Mr. Cheney also has not had a soul since 1995, when it was purchased by the Halliburton Corporation.

At George Washington University Hospital, doctors struggled to contain their excitement about what appeared to be the medical anomaly of the century: the sudden appearance of a human heart in a 66-year-old man.

"It is too early to say conclusively," said Dr. Carol Foyler, head of the team of doctors who examined the vice president. "But so far the beating and pumping sounds we are hearing in the vice president's chest cavity are very much consisten with his having a heart."

Dr. Foyler stressed that if the sounds emanating from Mr. Cheney's chest are those of a human heart, "This will contradict everything we thought we knew about Dick Cheney."

At the White House, spokesperson Dana Perino said that the sudden appearance of a heart in Dick Cheney's chest had motivated President Bush to schedule an MRI of his head.

Elsewhere, Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) said that writing his memoirs would be "challenging," adding, "I can't even remember what I did last night."


Anonymous said...


Not death to the US but death
To Halliburton, please,
Cheating like you or I draw breath,
Its profits for to seize.

Cutting expenses any means
It can, though at expense
Of human life: behind the scenes
What moral decadence.

The "cost plus" method so to earn
(You earn for what you spend),
Is fun for an employee--durn,
Been there, done that, my friend.

But as official policy
It seems nonsensical--
Like driving empty flatbeds, say,
To risk while paying well.

Yet, the abuses were well-known,
Well-known have they become,
Yet Congress in its twilight zone
But hems and haws--plays dumb--

At least a group significant
Proposals for to block,
So citizens get war they want
By going into hock.

It was no good of "blood and treasure"
This usage, as would say
Hagel perhaps--by any measure
Huge waste from day to day.

No, until Halliburton be
Dismantled, I will not
Rest satisfied; but let us see
The ringleaders get shot.

Unto the highest reaches of
The government, be strung
The men behind the war, as prove
Deserving to be hung.

No, as in retrospect revealed
The depth hypocrisy
Promoted this, not ever healed
So war will prove to be.

PH said...

Hi imsmall, welcome to my blog :) Can you give us the source of this poem :-/ or at least the name of its author :-/


ibeebarbie said...

Salam PH,
I think a second, third, or at least a fourth medical opinion is needed on this one becaues I'm having a hard time believing it. :-)

PH said...

"I think a second, third, or at least a fourth medical opinion is needed on this one becaues I'm having a hard time believing it. :-)"

Yes :D ......... =)).


a_akak said...

i think Satan will have a softer heart than that B!^*"%

Good to see you have not lost your touch

Fe Aman Allah

MaySoon said...

LOOOL @ Bush to schedule an MRI of his head... I think he'll just find his old pair of shoes in (bel3arbi gazma 2adeema)

Anonymous said...

Now, that's a nasty thing to say.

I am sure there's still room for some woolly socks as well...

PH said...

@ myakak :

"i think Satan will have a softer heart than that B!^*"%"

Ahhhh comparing world leaders to Satan that reminds me of an old Libyan joke ;).

@ Maysoon

Yes, I was laughing my head off at that too and at the the one about Edward Kennedy :)).

@ Melantrys :

Come on girls be nice ...... his head isn't that large :P.