Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Cheney's Heart

Cheney's Doctors Detect Signs of Heart

By Andy Borowitz

In a stunning development that has confounded medical experts around the world, doctors examining Vice President Dick Cheney said today that they have detected signs of a heart.

The vice president was rushed to the hospital over the weekend after complaining of chest pains, but no one in Mr. Cheney's inner circle suspected that a human heart was the cause.

"We had been operating under the assumption that he didn't have one," said chief of staff David Addington, who said that Mr. Cheney also has not had a soul since 1995, when it was purchased by the Halliburton Corporation.

At George Washington University Hospital, doctors struggled to contain their excitement about what appeared to be the medical anomaly of the century: the sudden appearance of a human heart in a 66-year-old man.

"It is too early to say conclusively," said Dr. Carol Foyler, head of the team of doctors who examined the vice president. "But so far the beating and pumping sounds we are hearing in the vice president's chest cavity are very much consisten with his having a heart."

Dr. Foyler stressed that if the sounds emanating from Mr. Cheney's chest are those of a human heart, "This will contradict everything we thought we knew about Dick Cheney."

At the White House, spokesperson Dana Perino said that the sudden appearance of a heart in Dick Cheney's chest had motivated President Bush to schedule an MRI of his head.

Elsewhere, Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) said that writing his memoirs would be "challenging," adding, "I can't even remember what I did last night."

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The New Alliance between Russia and India

Russia and India recently held a summit that ended with a number of strategic agreements, luckily for us an India hacker managed to infiltrate the communications system at the conference and provided us with a copy of parts of a discussion between two diplomats from both countries after the signing of the agreements.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

XBox package for only £33.24

It seems that someone at Tesco made a mistake while he was tagging an XBox package they were offering online, so instead of pricing it at £332.40 the zero was omitted and it became £33.24 ( or at least thats the rumor :P).

Unfortunately for me I wasn't one of the lucky few who managed to place an order before the mistake was rectified, but according to the discussions going on on this blog it seems that even those who managed to place an order before the price was corrected weren't lucky enough for the order to go through. From what they say Tesco emailed the lucky unlucky purchasers to apologize for the mistake and inform them that their orders were canceled :(.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

You've got to love this guy

In reply to a question from a reporter on the situation in Iraq President Bush Junior said ( you can see video of question here as well ):

If you lived in Iraq and had lived under a tyranny, you’d be saying: God, I love freedom, because that’s what’s happened.

Man, its times like these that I just wish I was Iraqi ! ( pun intended ) ............ I wonder if Rice can pull a few strings with her old friend Maliki and maybe get Bush an Iraqi citizenship so he can enjoy its freedom and prosperity .................

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Mouse Trap in The House

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.
What food might this contain? The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning :
There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, " Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me."
" I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the sheep and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The sheep sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is
nothing I can do about it but pray."
"Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the
farmer's mousetrap.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a
mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did
not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital , and
she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took
his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with
her around the clock.

To feed them, the farmer butchered the sheep.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died.

So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to
provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

Each of us is a vital thread in another person’s tapestry;

Our lives are woven together for a reason.

One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend

P.S. I go this from a mailing list so I don't know its source.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

How to move a roller ???????????

Thursday, November 1, 2007

When you are alone, remember "everybody hurts"

This is an oldie, that I found again, and thought it was worth sharing; so enjoy :D .

These are the lyrics to the song, which are quite good :

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When youre sure youve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Dont let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. now its time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think youve had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. dont throw your hand. oh, no. dont throw your hand.
If you feel like youre alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If youre on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think youve had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. and everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. so, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. hold on, hold on. hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(everybody hurts. you are not alone.)